suddenly.

Suddenly the pink color on my nails was too pink, the light coming from the window was too bright, the air I was breathing was too cold, the phone on my hand was too heavy.

Cancer is the 21st century epidemic. I’ve come to terms with this long ago, thinking that I’d probably die of some type of cancer no matter how healthy I ate or how much I exercised… There are just too many factors around us, on a daily basis, that make us sick – unless we turn some kind of hermits.

This didn’t scare me because that’s what statistics said – it’s a fact – and I’m an analytical person, scientific even. But the thought of someone else close to me, someone I love, having that disease didn’t even cross my mind. This is literally idiotic because I should have thought of that possibility (if I considered it for myself…!). I see now that I did not want to think about it. It’s too painful. Too unreal. But it could happen right?

It did.

Suddenly the joyful and happy week was over.
Suddenly I don’t know what to do with myself. I don’t know what to say, how to move, what to think. My hands are tied and there’s nothing I can do.

There’s nothing anyone can do.
This is the ugly truth that makes me mad, completely mental almost – there’s absolutely nothing to do.

Someone who is part of my life, someone of my own blood, someone who raised me, someone who taught me how to read and write, someone who bought me ice cream and lollipops, someone who helped me throughout my entire life… someone who deserves the best.

Suddenly life is NOT fair.

I always knew this, but now I’m 200% positive.

Suddenly it’s like the sky falling over…not just over me but my family, of course. The cancer has spread all over this someone’s body, just like it has spread hopelessness and darkness over us all.

And there’s nothing we can do. oh but there is, they say: wait.
Wait – this is not something we CAN do.
This is something we MUST do. And it’s even scarier, it hurts even more.

Suddenly I’m sure.
Suddenly it hit me like a gunshot through my heart.
Suddenly I feel it: life is fragile.

Live it.