Grief is a multi-faceted response to loss, particularly to the loss of someone or something to which a bond was formed.
Did you say it? I Love You. You changed my life. Did you say it?
I remember one time when my mom, my dad, my aunt, my uncle, my grandma, keoshi and myself went on a drive… We were celebrating a birthday. I don’t really remember who’s… but I do remember that as keoshi and me were driving on a different car, behind them I told him… If something were to happen to that car, all my family would be gone. I’d be by myself. I never forgot that moment and what I realized then.
As I won’t forget so many other little big moments in my life with the people I love.
And sometimes I regret I didn’t have more moments with my aunt. Because I was away. Because I was going out. Because of whatever. I wish I could have taken in all those little moments better… I wish I thought of being with her more often back then and make more memories. But there’s no turning back now.
Sometimes I dream I tell her to come back. And I feel even worse after because I know how stupidly impossible that is.
There are five stages of grief. They look different on everybody, no one can imagine how it is until they go through it… But they are always five.
Denial.
Anger.
Bargaining.
Depression.
Acceptance.
Sometimes I think I reached the final stage. Sometimes I think I’m right back on the first one. Sometimes I’m in between… Today I am a mix of all the five. Because today my aunt would be 66 years old. I keep dreaming that I’m going to go to her place and have dinner. But I won’t…
So… did you say it?
I love you. You have changed my life.
Did you say it?
Make a plan. Set a goal. Work toward it. But every now and then… look around. Drink it in.
Because this is it.
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