two thousand and ten.

This year was full of highs and lows. I’ve learned so much through this past year that I often found myself mentally drained, begging for it to stop. 

I learned so much. Maybe too much. 

The first 4 and half months were basically perfect. 

I felt great teaching. I found out that it was definitely something that fulfilled me; I liked what I was doing and people liked it as well. I adored (still do) those kids and I know they liked me too. And it’s not only being liked.

It’s to know that I did teach them something, maybe they still don’t know the first law of thermodynamics, but I *know* I taught them so much more than just physics or chemistry (but they did learn a whole lot of physics and chemistry, oh yes they did). 

It’s to see the look of happiness for finally understanding something they didn’t before, even if it took me 135 minutes to get them to understand… 

It’s to actually know that the people who were watching me and grading me on my teaching also thought I was great. 

lesson #1- I loved teaching. 

Our trip to Paris. I couldn’t have asked anything better than that. If I close my eyes and think about those short 5 days, I can still taste the sweet flavor of the pain au chocolat and feel the warmth of the cafe au lait every morning… 

The chilly and rainy days when keoshi and me walked hand in hand taking photos and taking in everything we could. 
The long walks along the champs-élysées, the lunches at quick, the late kebab dinner, the meetings with Mike, the funny Benfica fan taxi driver…

Montmartre! aaah Montmartre. Le Moulin Rouge, the vegetables stands, the-crazy-ass-expensive-but-still-delicious breakfast at the Café des 2 Moulins” – the cafe of Amélie. 
Every time I think of the time we spent in Montmartre I feel warm and fuzzy inside…
also… the waking up, go to the window and feel the air of Paris. And best of all. keoshi. I wouldn’t want to do it with anyone else.

lesson #2 – I loved Paris, I want to go back, Love.

Then the high quickly turned into a whole new different and very scary low. 
College was almost at the end. Only exams were on the calendar. So I took a week off to spend with keoshi in the place he went to college. I had so much fun… I will always remember that week.
By the end of the week the world as I knew it crashed. 
My aunt had cancer. The worst kind. There wasn’t much to be done. You see, what people don’t realize is that my aunt wasn’t just my aunt. She was my second mother. She raised me and taught me the best that she could. When I was 4 I went to her school – she was a teacher, the best one. She taught me how to read and write and from that age until I was around 12, we would spend the entire days together. 
She would support me and help me on my decisions, every time. She would cheer me up if I was sad. 
I remember I bumped my car into someone else’s around February and I was soooo bummed out because of the whole situation even if it wasn’t anything that bad. My aunt called and told me: “Listen, if you didn’t have a car that certainly wouldn’t have happened, but you do, and it happened. Nothing’s broken and everyone’s okay, so get over it and move on!”. 

That just made me smile. 

She didn’t make it. And the cancerous cells led to a stroke that made her spend the last month of her life in a hospital bed, not being able to talk or eat or move… 
It’s been 6 months. It hurts no less than it did before. And I miss her more everyday. Sometimes I still think she’s only a phone call away. But she isn’t. She lives inside of me… but a part of me died when she did.

That certainly did not make me smile.  

lesson #3 – there are things that we cannot control.

lesson #4 – these things are never fair. or easy.

After that, keoshi did what I couldn’t have done alone by then. He took me away to travel. It was the best thing ever. 
First to the beach, then to the Northern part of Portugal and then… Berlin, Genéve, Annecy, Lausanne.

Berlin was a dream… I want to live there. So bad. Berlin is everything I think I city should be. Everything is great in Berlin. Everything. I want to go back and see every museum, every art gallery, every graffiti, every house, every garden… 
I want to sit in the Tiergarden eating a Bavarian Donut from Dunkin donuts, while keoshi wonders at the beautiful cars passing by. 
I want to feel the bullet wholes in the buildings’ walls with my fingers and feel scared and brave for that city… 
I want to have beer and currywurst and laugh with keoshi like we’re crazy people… 

And I want to get lost in Lausanne, feed the birds by the lakeshore and drive by Switzerland with no agenda and see the sun set behind the mountains.

And I want to swim in the lake of Annecy and eat chinese food and drink beer in the gardens… and wish I could stop time. 

And I certainly couldn’t, wouldn’t have done with anyone else. Only You. 

lesson #5 – Berlin is my city. Annecy is my vacation spot. Let’s go back, Love.

The high went rapidly into a new low and college was back on. It was harder than ever because even though I had spent such a good time, I was away and when I came back the reality of everything here hit me with such a brute force that I honestly didn’t think I was able fight back… or maybe I just didn’t want to. 

Then Breda came. The Netherlands will always be an inspiration to me and this time wasn’t an exception. 
Keoshi’s brother was going to start a new chapter in his life and we were there to push him a little. And it was definitely a good push for me as well.
Breda was the city I needed to be in by that time. If I was emotionally drained and tired, Breda filled me with hope and encouragement… The Ducth are incredibly organized, open minded and forward people. It was wonderful to be back to Holland. 

lesson #6 – Never back down even if it seems lonely…never give up on your dreams. Thank You and you. and thanks to my mum, who is the best mum in the world and helped me out even when she was suffering from her own loss. 

lesson #7 – Things will suck sooner or later, that’s life for you. You just have to learn to accept it, move along and hope for something better. 

I realized that some people are just pure evil. Even though they know you’re feeling low, they try to make you feel even worse… I dunno why they do that, I just know that all evil will go back to bit them in the ass… 

And these people are not worth my time or any bit of my attention… I wish them lots of luck and happiness…a very happy life, basically, so they can stop thinking about mine.

lesson #8 – what goes around, comes back around.

People in my life are so important to me. I realized I can lose them in a instant and there’s nothing I can do about it…so I’m only left with trying to appreciate every single moment… Make the most out of things. 

lesson #9 – Appreciate *EVERY* moment of happiness. Whether it’s having dinner with your parents or going for a walk with your dog or sleeping next to the one you love. Do *not* take anything for granted. Things will change, for better or for worse…  

College is over. It ended on a high note. And I now spend my days waiting and trying to make keoshi’s days better. 

lesson #10 – Everything will be okay. 

Happy New Year, people!